The question which starts the relationship break up ball rolling is should we break up or should we stay together? This thought is quite powerful and is the main contributor to the decision to break up. Remember that the thought that we should break up is different from the decision to break up. You can conclude that you should end the relationship with your spouse but for some reason or reasons you decide to remain in the relationship. The final decision to stay in a relationship although everything is telling you that you should leave can be attributed to a number of factors which are usually emotionally and financially based.
If you are in a relationship with someone and you are asking yourself “should we break up?” then there are things in the relationship which you are not satisfied with. In order to find your answer you need to weigh the pro and cons of the relationship and come to your own conclusion. There are many reasons to end a relationship and also to remain in one. There will be things which you can live with and others you won’t (e.g. a repeated cheater, sings of cheating etc). The question will be which direction the scale tips because each pro and con carry different weighs for different people (e.g. if you catch your spouse cheating that alone may tip the scale completely to leave). The most important thing is to concentrate on the real issues and not be distracted by the insignificant ones.
Should we break up because of the little annoying things my spouse does? No small and insignificant issues occur in all relationships (e.g. not being so tidy etc.). When someone is considering ending a relationship he or she may start to concentrate on these issues and bring them to the forefront of the relationship. This can result in nagging and complaining and this doesn’t benefit you or your partner one bit. The only thing it does is cause more problems in the relationship and lead you more to the decision to break up. Basically you are sabotaging the relationship and creating justifications to leave. What you should be concerned with is that apparently your feelings for your spouse have changed.
Before these small things were not an issue and would have been allowed. Therefore when you are considering the cons in the relationship consider the fact your feelings have changed instead of silly issues such as he leaves the toilet seat up etc. Always deal with the root of the problem not the symptoms. So you may be wondering, what if your partner is the one nagging and complaining? Is he or she asking themselves should we break up as well? The answer is quite obvious, yes it is possible that both of you think the relationship should end at the same time. Therefore do not be surprised that they tell you we should break up before you get your say.
As mentioned earlier there are many reasons which will cause someone to end a relationship; in this article “should we break up?” we will concentrate on the four main reasons to break up. These deal with some core issues which may lead to the decision. We intentionally avoided abusive relationships because that is a large topic on its own. There are additional reasons and information (including abusive relationships) in our article “reasons to break up” which you should look at as well. This article will cover all the reasons covered here but in more detail.
Are you ready for the main reasons which may tip the scale to end a relationship? Below are the four main reasons which will usually make you think you should break up with your partner:
- Cheater or cheating spouse: This is the number one reason for ending a relationship. It is not only the fact that you catch the cheater but also the consequences that comes from an affair. These are diseases, lack in trust, repeated affairs, hurt and other issues. Some relationships will never recover after infidelity mainly due to trust issues. The faithful partner will always be looking for signs of cheating and many arguments will arise. It sometimes leaves both partners in this situation to wonder, should we break up?
- Lack of commitment: If you don’t believe that your spouse is serious about the relationship you may want to find someone who is. People have been in relationships for years and they can’t move to the next level. No one wants to be a relationship that is considered to be in a dead end.
- Sexual incompatibility: Should we break up because my partner is not great in the sack or worst yet does not want to have sex? The answer to that question depends on you. However there are somethings you can consider before leaving such as talking about the problem or seeking help. Sometimes your spouse may have a genuine problem.
- Loss of love or feelings: Over time feelings change for the better or worst it can occur due to a number of reasons such as someone else, your spouse habits becoming intolerable, incompatibility, cheater etc. Whatever the reason may be you are no longer happy to be with your spouse. Your eyes may start to wonder out there because you see examples of people in love and also interesting people who you could be involved with. This can also be the seed for an affair in a relationship and more problems.
As mentioned earlier there are things you can live with and others you can’t. The list above provided contains the four main things that you may not be able to live with, and there will be others (such as abusive relationship etc). Those were the cons of being in the relationship. Now we move on to the pros but with a twist. Instead of stating the possible pros we actually created questions which will spark reasons to remain in the relationship. If the answers to most of these are negative then your scale will be tilting towards breaking up. Below are the questions which will spark reasons for remaining in the relationship:
- Are your feelings for the person and the relationship still there?
- Do you think the person cares for you as much as you do for them?
- Are there any other factors which will make you want to stay (such as family, etc)?
- Do you think he or she would be faithful to you from now on? (for those dealing with a cheater or cheating partner)
- Do you think you can forgive them and move on? (this deals with a cheater or cheating spouse)
- Are you willing to give your all and do you think your partner will as well (to work around your differences)?
We hope now that your thoughts were stimulated and that you can better answer the question “should we break up?”. You may even be thinking to yourself now, why should we break up when there is more value in remaining in the relationship. That is fine because this article is not to make you end a relationship but to look at the possibilities and make a good decision. It is time now for you to weigh the pros and cons and determine where you should be in terms of your relationship. Should we break up or should we stay together?