If you are wondering how to end a relationship the first thing you should be considering is what type of relationship exists currently and the type of partner you are dealing with. In dealing with a break up the most honourable thing to do is to break up face to face. Is this always possible? Of course not, if your partner is abusive or vindictive you may end up hurt physically when you try to end the relationship. Even partners who seem nice and calm will react differently when they are being told it is over. No one likes to be rejected or hurt so expect them to hit back the only question is how.
The first thing to do before you actually leave is to ensure you have everything together to move on. For those who do not live with their lover or have children this will be easy but for the others who share accommodations you need to consider the following:
- Where will you be living after the break up? Do you have to find someplace or will you be legally able to evict your partner?
- Are you financially in a position to move on? Can you hold on until you are financially ready? Can you acquire the support you need?
- How do you deal with issues like children visitation and support?
- Do you need legal advice? Do you need to put things forward legally before you proceed? (E.g. file for a divorce)
- Are you ready to leave the home at a moment’s notice when the break up occurs?
These are the first things you must consider when ending a relationship. Once you have everything together and you are comfortable then it is time to proceed. Remember when you are thinking about leaving someone you can never leave anything to chance. A normal calm person will sometimes surprise you so do not be thrown a curve ball.
The best way to break up is to bite the bullet and do it face to face providing your partner is the average type of person (non abusive etc). There is a right way to say it is over and a wrong way. There are a number of things to take into consideration. Below are some tips of how to end a relationship face to face:
- Talk to your spouse calm, openly and honest: Keep the talk open and honest and to the point. Avoid being blunt about sensitive topics such as impotence, lack of sex appeal etc. Highlight the good things about the relationship and the good qualities in the person that you have noticed. Then you need to say what things actually force you to the decision you are making and that you gave it a lot of thought.Also include the plans for after the break up such as accommodations, children visitation etc (these are not hard fast and the spouse should have an input). Have the answers there before there are asked.
- Never do it in a public place: Your relationship is private and a break up in an open area can draw attention to you. Your partner is likely to react and because of the public embarrassment you may retaliate in a way you would not have if it was behind closed doors. A public break up is not how to end a relationship, always try where possible to do it privately. If necessary bring a friend along if you need support.
- Expect them to hit back: Ending a relationship will usually hurt your spouse. This is because they have may still have feelings for you or the fact they are being rejected is overwhelming or both. He or she may call you names like slut, cheater, cheating whore and a whole number of creative things. Your spouse may even start getting physical (breaking things, maybe try to attack you). Try to remain calm because if you don’t become agitated chances are the aggression will be subdued. If the situation is becoming too heated then leave. You can communicate with the details of the break up at a later date.
- Look out for the question why?: Be prepared for all possible questions about why the relationship is ending. Do not leave your spouse pondering about why you are leaving. That is not how to end things. Be open and honest and as detailed as possible.
- Be prepared for tears and guilt: Guilt trips and tears are sometimes plentiful in a break up so be prepared. It is hurtful to know you are hurting someone else but it cannot be avoided. You need to be strong at this time and be considerate to the person’s feelings or at least seem that way.
Break ups are never easy and this is the purpose of our article on “how to end a relationship” . It will give you some guidelines and tips to make the relationship break up move a little smoother. Please remember that this article refers to breaking up with an ordinary person. If your spouse is abusive or violent then it is perfectly ok to break up indirectly. Please look at our article on the ways to break up for more details.